It’s been a week since I’ve come home from my blissful and absolutely amazing holiday in South East Asia and I’m starting to feel the onset of Post Holiday Depression (Trust me, it’s a real thing!) While I have missed all my friends here in Melb, I long to go back to being responsibility free besides the beautiful hotel pool. The upside of being back though is I get to catch up with all my wonderful friends! As soon as I landed, I received a few text messages from those I love most, welcoming me back and asking when was the most opportune time for us to catch up. So that’s what I’ve been basically doing in my short time back home. I have about 22 days until my holidays officially end and I become a JAFFY in uni, so I’m going to savour it as much as I can and spend my days lazing and socialising.
I’ve managed to meet up with most of my close friends and we’ve talked about our individual holidays so far, uni courses and what not, but I’m also seeing another slightly disturbing pattern. With the people I’ve met up with, the conversation somehow ends up steering towards the topic of relationships and the lack of effort that is put towards maintaining one. I’m not just talking about a romantic relationship, I’m also talking about friendships in general. In recent times, my friends have noticed that with their other friendships, they’re the ones doing everything to keep it going. They’re the ones who initiate the meetups, the ones who call/text to ask ‘how are you?’, the ones who try to ensure the friendship is still there. But they get nothing back. Oh sure, they get the classic response ‘Good thanks, what about you?” or the ‘Defs catch up soon xx’ (even though you know it’s not going to happen), but they’re not getting the same effort back that they’ve put in.
Just as our coffee date was nearly over, she asked ‘Is it wrong to expect them to put effort in?”
Absolutely not. I know exactly how she feels and I know firsthand it gets tiring after a while to always be the ‘glue’ of the group or the one who initiates everything. In fact, when I look at some of the friends I’ve made over the years, I realised that for most of them, the only reason we’re still ‘friends’ is because I’ve made damm sure that we never lost contact.
I shouldn’t be so judgmental though, as I know it’s in some people’s personalities to not initiate anything even though they genuinely still want to continue the friendship. And I do know that certain circumstances do prevent really good friends from talking or seeing each other as often because there are other priorities. But when the situation is right for both parties and one still isn’t making any effort, that’s when I get annoyed.
It takes two people to make a longterm, MEANINGFUL, friendship work- not just one.